So Sad About This… :(

Hi, Mommy. I’m your baby. You don’t know me yet, I’m only a few 
weeks old. You’re going to find out about me soon, though, I promise.
Let me tell you some things about me.

My name is John, and I’ve got 
beautiful brown eyes and black hair. Well, I don’t have it yet, but I
will when I’m born. I’m going to be your only child, and you’ll call me
 your one and only. I’m going to grow up without a daddy mostly, but we
have each other. We’ll help each other, and love each other. I want to
be a doctor when I grow up.

You found out about me today, Mommy! You were so excited, you couldn’t
 wait to tell everyone. All you could do all day was smile, and life was
 perfect. You have a beautiful smile, Mommy. It will be the first face I
will see in my life, and it will be the best thing I see in my life. I
 know it already.

Today was the day you told Daddy. You were so excited to tell him about
 me! …He wasn’t happy, Mommy. He kind of got angry. I don’t think that 
you noticed, but he did. He started to talk about something called
wedlock, and money, and bills, and stuff I don’t think I understand
 yet. You were still happy, though, so it was okay.

Then he did
 something scary, Mommy. He hit you. I could feel you fall backward, and
 your hands flying up to protect me. I was okay… but I was very sad
 for you. You were crying then, Mommy. That’s a sound I don’t like. It
 doesn’t make me feel good. It made me cry, too. He said sorry after,
 and he hugged you again. You forgave him, Mommy, but I’m not sure if I
do. It wasn’t right.

You say he loves you… why would he hurt you? I 
don’t like it, Mommy.

 Finally, you can see me! Your stomach is a little bit bigger, and
 you’re so proud of me! You went out with your mommy to buy new clothes,
 and you were so so so happy. You sing to me, too. You have the most 
beautiful voice in the whole wide world. When you sing is when I’m 
happiest. And you talk to me, and I feel safe. So safe. You just wait
 and see, Mommy.

When I am born I will be perfect just for you. I will
 make you proud, and I will love you with all of my heart.

 I can move my hands and feet now, Mommy. I do it because you put your
 hands on your belly to feel me, and I giggle. You giggle, too.

I love
 you, Mommy.

 Daddy came to see you today, Mommy. I got really scared. He was acting 
funny and he wasn’t talking right. He said he didn’t want you. I don’t
 know why, but that’s what he said. And he hit you again. I got angry, 
Mommy. When I grow up I promise I won’t let you get hurt! I promise to
protect you. Daddy is bad. I don’t care if you think that he is a good 
person, I think he’s bad. But he hit you, and he said he didn’t want 

He doesn’t like me. Why doesn’t he like me, Mommy?

 You didn’t talk to me tonight, Mommy. Is everything okay? 

It’s been three days since you saw Daddy. You haven’t talked to me or 
touched me or anything since that. Don’t you still love me, Mommy? I 
still love you. I think you feel sad. The only time I feel you is when
you sleep. You sleep funny, kind of curled up on your side. And you hug
 me with your arms, and I feel safe and warm again.

Why don’t you do
 that when you’re awake, any more?

 I’m 21 weeks old today, Mommy. Aren’t you proud of me? We’re going
 somewhere today, and it’s somewhere new. I’m excited. It looks like a 
hospital, too. I want to be a doctor when I grow up, Mommy. Did I tell
you that? I hope you’re as excited as I am. I can’t wait.

…Mommy, I’m getting scared. Your heart is still beating, but I don’t
 know what you are thinking. The doctor is talking to you. I think 
something’s going to happen soon.

I’m really, really, really scared, 
Mommy. Please tell me you love me. Then I will feel safe again. I love

 Mommy, what are they doing to me!? It hurts! Please make them stop! It 
feels bad! Please, Mommy, please please help me! Make them stop!

 Don’t worry Mommy, I’m safe. I’m in heaven with the angels now. They 
told me what you did, and they said it’s called an abortion.

Why, Mommy? Why did you do it? Don’t you love me any more? Why did you
get rid of me? I’m really, really, really sorry if I did something
wrong, Mommy. I love you, Mommy! I love you with all of my heart. Why
don’t you love me? What did I do to deserve what they did to me? I want
 to live, Mommy! Please! It really, really hurts to see you not care 
about me, and not talk to me.

Didn’t I love you enough? Please say
 you’ll keep me, Mommy! I want to live smile and watch the clouds and 
see your face and grow up and be a doctor. I don’t want to be here, I
 want you to love me again! I’m really really really sorry if I did
 something wrong. I love you!

 I love you, Mommy. 

Every abortion is just…

One more heart that was stopped.

 Two more eyes that will never see. 

Two more hands that will never touch.

 Two more legs that will never run. 

One more mouth that will never speak.



About ainicahayamata

Nursing Lecturer who falling in love with words and Arts| Blogger | Maternity Nursing Specialist Candidate | twitter: @aini_cahayamata| Belajar Mengendalikan kata dalam tulisan|
This entry was posted in Copasus, Semacam Cerpen. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to So Sad About This… :(

  1. aguswibowo says:

    fotonya terlalu sadis aini, buat sensor dikit dong


  2. hoho iyo yo gus ^^Ymungkin karna Ni sudah terbiasa melihat2 yang sejenis ini gus :p


  3. Sivi B.S. says:

    apiikkk mbak.. :)eh ada fb gak? kita udah temenan di fb blm sihh??


  4. udah kok Sivi…masak lupa?


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