#NulisRandom2015 (Pt.13) A Conversation of Broken Hearted Woman

Eve: What are you doin gais?

Alice: I slept at 4 and woke up 2 minutes ago

Bian: I am having my dinner with my office colleagues, I felt so exhausted… I ended up with taking care of kids and take photo of family member. At least, that’s what a jomblo is for…

Alice: Hahahhaha… your last sentence is really something. By the way, I am so curious about who the one that will accompany you and you in pelaminan.

Eve: Ahahahaha the galauwoman is hereeee….
Bian: Hahahaha
Bian: Yeah…we never know people’s destiny
Eve: Ahahahha dont really curious, curiousity will disappointing you
Bian: NO i dont have any expectation about it. And i won’t regret or disappointed.
Eve: Hey, im curious, both of you still liqo, arent you… is there any proposal has come?? Or something??
Bian: Bhuahahahha…. your question make me laugh
Eve: I’m curious Bii…~
Alice: Is getting married a must?
Alice: I read hukum awal mubah
Eve: I dont know, sometimes i think it is a must
Alice: And for woman, it’s not to married
Bian: It’s sunnah….
Eve: Because i read hadist that says rasul like his ummat who’s get married than who is not get married
Bian: And our propher *SAW* love His people who follow His sunnah
Eve: But yeah marriage is something between i need it but i dont want it
Alice: I read a story in the Prophet’s time there was a woman who was told to marry, but she doesn’t want to, then her father mengadu ke Rasul, Rasul datang dan bilang, “ikuti ayahmu”, then she said, “Demi Allah aku bersumpah aku tidak akan menikah”, and then Rasul pergi. Tapi Rasul tidak menyalahkan kalimat si wanita. That’s what I read.
Alice: Rabiah Al adawiyah juga tidak menikah, tapi dia mulia
Eve: Yep, he didn’t blame the woman, but he didn’t like it either, so he just keep silent
Alice: Well… you know, I don’t know what I will meet in the future, but it’s hard to believe any man now
Alice: I think tidak ada orang yg benar mencintai apa adanya,yang benar menerima apa adanya
Eve: Maybe if we could reach mahabbah level as Rabiatuladawiyah, so we dont need any human to encourage us to be a reaal hamba

Eve: And tulus says,” Jangan cintai aku apa adanya~ tuntutlah sesuatu~”
Alice: 🙂
Bian: People said I have to get married to transform myself to be a better person
Alice: Well gals.. I mean… you already know what I mean
Eve: Yes i know Alice, but yeah, I’m a baliang person…. sometimes i would really envy with people who is already getting married, sometimes i just thinking to live all alone….
Bian: I dont know… because I never had the experience with a man before. And I just have 1 or 2 men that closed to my ideal type. And I such have an opini that I can’t reach him to be my destiny. So i have no expectation after that.
Eve: Allah maha pembolak balik hati Alice…
Bian: Yeah me too….
Bian: As i said to you, sometimes i just look my self as a HDR syndrome people who couple can’t life with
Bian: My brain was too focus to one person before. So I can’t think that other person can replace

Bian: So i have prayed everytime to Allah to open my heart to other men.
Eve: Or we just a group of desperate woman???
Bian: Hahahhahha…..
Bian: Dont make us too pity…
Eve: Yap, desperate woman who try to r from the society and find a new life in other country
Eve: 😥
Bian: We should move to another place.. i mean to another situation

Alice: Hahaha… I don’t know…
Alice: You know, I have met men in my life, and all of them left
Alice: First, Alex.. after years, he said to my friend that he was boring

Alice: I thought was I that such boring person?
Alice: Second, I met Bryan, he also gone…
Bian: Ough… they such can’t take a responsibility..

Alice: Oh My God.. I feel stupid
Eve: Could we name our conversation as, “a confession of broken hearted woman”
Alice: Hahahahha…. I just wanna tell you what I feel inside
Alice: Finally, I close all the door
Eve: The man who is arrange to marry me just get married a week before this month
Alice: Really????
Alice: You never told us before
Eve: And he said that he could not reach me, and he said sorry to my mom, and my mom told him her apologize
Alice: Then?

Alice: Why can’t he reach you?
Eve: He is too effortless!!!!
Alice: Don’t you feel something about him?
Eve: He just texted me, he ask me to be serious, and i said, i couldnt decide anything because i really desperate with my thesis…
Alice: Then?
Eve: And he never text me or chat me or do anything to aproach me after that
Alice: After you graduated, did he try to contact you?
Eve: He told my sister he could not contact me because I change my phone number coz i lost my phone
Alice: Didn’t he ask your new number to your sist?
Eve: But pleeease!! He know my Fb!!
Alice: 😥
Eve: He didn’t…
Bian: 😥
Bian: Who does he think he is!!
Eve: so i think, he is just do nothing to get me
Bian: Seems i remember about that person…..
Alice: Yes.. he did nothing
Alice: He doesn’t deserve you …
Eve: And i would never give my life to a man that could not fight for his will
Bian: But you said you didnt like him ???
Eve: I dont like him because of that
Alice: Right.. I do agree
Eve: I hate that kind of man
Eve: If you want it, fight for it
Bian: Oh my God… what a topic…!!! hahah… my roommate also got her heartbreaking right now…!
Eve: He said that he is “sagan” with me because im “alim” and “berwibawa”
Eve: It feels like i want to pinch him in the face
Alice: You know what.. Finally, I think it will be better to live alone
Eve: And you know what, till the last time, his mother still ask me why i dont want to marry him.. and i just keep silence to not hurt her
Alice: Does your mother know the truth ?
Eve: If he want you, he will come whatever it takes
Alice: Right..
Eve: No, my mom likes him so much, she even cried and blame my stupidity
Alice: Oh God… what a complicated situation
Alice: And you accept being blamed? Tell the truth
Alice: 😦
Eve: And i just cant help but swallow all my reason
Alice: If I were you, I would tell the truth
Alice: 😐
Alice: Because I don’t like being blamed
Bian: Whaaattt!!!!
Eve: We fought too much, i dont want to hurt her anyfurther
Eve: I just wish the truth will shown someday
Alice: But I did that, heheheh… when My family ask about my ex, I said I don’t like him anymore. I said that because I don’t want all my family hate him. But my family seem not to believe me
Eve: Because of that i was thinking not to get married for the rest of my life
Alice: They don’t believe what I said
Alice: Oh My God.. I think so , hahahha
Eve: They would not believe what you said, because they use their logic to derstand your logic
Alice: 😥
Alice: Yes.. they don’t believe me and I don’t care anymore
Alice: And after all this happened, I thought, org yg sudah terlalu baik saja bisa meninggalkan, bagaimana dgn org yg biasa saja ke diriku
Bian: I have no idea anymore….
Alice: My family doesn’t blame me, but they felt sorry for me. Few months ago, my mother often called me and cried and asked, are you okay dear?”
Eve: Reality is hurt
Bian: 😥
Bian: Sometimes our family feel hurter than us
Alice: I said I am okay mom. But mom said, “I felt you got hurt..”
Alice: You know what, I cried…
Alice: Not because of him, but because of my mother
Bian: I hate that person!!!
Eve: And my family, they dont even sorry…. they dont even care about my feeling and keep pushing me to fulfill their hopes…
Alice: Hehehe… don’t hate him Bii…
Eve: Me too , i cried alot after that day, but it is not because he leave me, but because i dont know what to do….
Eve: I just dont care anymore about man
Alice: I felt so ..
Alice: After men left because of un-syar’i reason, I think it’s hard to meet a good man
Bian: I want to not too care about man
Eve: I want to be a better person, not because i want someone better for me, but because i live my live, so i will do anything for myself
Alice: Then I search hadist, hukum, fiqh and kisah sahabat nabi yg tidak menikah
Alice: Then I fod for woman, menikah is not a must
Alice: It’s different from man
Alice: Man is supposed to marry, but not woman
Alice: May be because woman can control their biological need than man
Alice: I don’t know
Alice: You know what.. aku bahkan berfikir spending my old day in PSTW
Alice: Seem cool
Alice: I hope all this doesn’t be coted as sin
Eve: Just one thing that come to my mind, when im old or im sick, when both of my parents already leave this world, when my brother and sister have their own family, could i face it alone??
Eve: Without blaming god for my life
Alice: That’s why I’m thinking of check in in PSTW , hehehehe
Alice: 😀
Alice: At least, everybody will leave us
Bian: Oh my God. Back to normal people sense guys…. hahhahah
Eve: I do think that so , but yeah, i always think about worst possibility
Alice: Parents, sister, brother, spouse, friend
Alice: You know what.. after that’s tragedy, there are men proposed me
Alice: Although they both are good man, but I don’t feel anything
Alice: One is doctor and one is lecturer
Alice: If I just see their job, may be I accept one of them
Alice: But I don’t feel anything
Bian: Yeah …
Bian: Seems like you cant open your heart yet
Alice: And till now I don’t feel anything to anybody, , nothing left
Alice: I love no body
Bian: Me too… i said No even I didnt know the person who want do propose me. I feel so sad with myself and feel sorry to that guy
Bian: 😥 😥 😥
Alice: What is your problem?
Bian: I dont know what is my problem actually…
Alice: You should open your heart because no “scar” there
Alice: Not like me
Eve: I probably feel sorry to myself, i want to study abroad just to find another excuse not to get married soon and my little sister could marry before me…. because I’m just kind of not interested to married
Eve: Yep , why ??
Bian: Actually…. hmmm… i dont know ..
Bian: 😦
Alice: We have same feeling .. I just wanna run away
Bian: I am worrying about this for so long
Alice: Without being burden for my parents
Bian: Maybe it’s because i just fell to someone for so long… and seems i cant find the same person to replace
Alice: 😐
Bian: And finally i decide to hate
Bian: Hahaah… its not big problem as yours
Bian: I still can handle it
Alice: Why don’t you try to forget?
Bian: I tried
Eve: In the simple word, requited love did hurt you
Bian: I even prayed to Allah to erase or install ulang my memories
Alice: I mean.. if you hate him, then forget him and meet the other soleh guy
Bian: Yeah..i decide to do that
Bian: And trying to not remembering him
Eve: Me too , if i just stand by their side alone too long, people will questioning and give much much more pressure to my parents….
Alice: That’s why I hate the tradition sometimes
Eve: Love is not something you can replace so easy
Alice: Why do people so care when an adult woman doesnt get married?
Alice: Yes right..
Bian: Yeah … we cant replace easier
Alice: It’s just easy to say.. not to do
Alice: 😦
Eve: What a desperate woman we are
Alice: May Allah forgive us
Alice: 😥
Eve: I just hate when people ask my mother wheter im already married or not… and when they know that im single, they tried to become mak comblang and my mother just like open recruitment

Bian: Hahhaa… open recruitment? I said to my Mom to NOT open the recruitment for me till I decided to ask their help to find
Bian: But you know what …. even feel so desperate, i feel happy since i can melolong-lolong sedih to Allah and I feel better when I know Allah had prepared the best thing for me
Bian: I just keep that thing in my mind
Alice: Yaaa… although I’m alone but I don’t feel lonely
Eve: Yep , i feel better to keep it myself, swallow all the bitter thing and cry as much as i want in the midle of night
Alice: I have much time to talk to Allah, to remember Allah,
Bian: Yeah … i love that part..
Bian: I happy to feel terribly in front of Allah
Eve: Yep , she was like, “cariin lah bu, pak, kalau ada, siapa tau cocok” and i cant help but smirk
Eve: I told her not to do that
Eve: It just makes me hate the man and marriage more and more
Alice: I remember reading a passage told about Rabiah..
When many men proposed her and she refused, she said that she is afraid of being durhaka to her husband and children. Selama ini waktunya utk Allah dan tidak akan mengurangi waktu itu jika sudah menikah. Kebiasaan ibadah tdk akan dikurangi jika sudah menikah dan dia takut dgn begitu dia zalim kpd keluarga.
Alice: She really understand that there is no such married theory in Islam, but she just wanted to spend her time for Allah
Alice: And afraid of being durhaka to family
Eve: That level of love, mahabbah, just a special one have reached that level
Bian: But pahala will be berlipat ganda if get married. Married is menyempurnakan separuh agama 😉
Alice: I think if I accept one of the proposal that I don’t have any felling to whom I will live, May be I will do something durhaka to him
Alice: We need love to build a home,right?
Eve: I do think about it , if im not getting married, if i could not be as rabiah, i will spend my whole life to humanity, to help people…
Alice: We need love to worship in something called rumah tangga
Alice: Do you know a hadist said wanita tua yang meninggal dalam keadaan gadis, untuknya surga?
Alice: I forgot the detail
Eve: Yes , how could you digging pahala while you cannot feel your house as a baiti jannati
Eve: I dont know it
Bian: But in one of surrah Allah said that love will come to those who are married because of Allah

Bian: We just need to find the person with good iman… iman and taqwa take the first place
Eve: Yep , i dont know how to find it, but if there’s a man who really could heal the wound, i will accept him
Alice: 🙂
Alice: Yes .. I do agree
Alice: Since I love no body and no body loves me, I prefer to live alone
Bian: 😦
Alice: But in case someone soleh comes and heal the wound and the scar, semoga Allah memudahkan jalan
Alice: Tere liye said, jika jodoh Allah yang akan memudahkan jalan
Alice: Namun jika tidak jodoh, mau bagaimanapun, jalan nya tidak akan terbuka
Alice: Termasuk hati yg mudah berbolak balik
Eve: Yep , me too, maybe it is already in the stage that i just dont put hope too much
Eve: And tawakal is the only answer
Alice: Totally agree
Eve: Try to deal with the reality and put all to allah… nothing’s left
Bian: So just let it flow and someday reality will make you meet with your destiny
Alice: 🙂 🙂
Alice: Agree…
Alice: Anybody feel sleepy here?
Alice: 😐
Alice: I think we should sleep
Eve: Im eating with kiddos
Alice: I’m sleepy
Bian: We have got the conclusion
Alice: Thanks for the great talk..
Bian: Lets go a bed… hahahha
Eve: Ahahaha, take a nice sleep vroooh
Bian: Have a good dream guys

Eve: im glad we are desperate woman who stand still with our faith…. because alot of woman outhere broken and r away from god becouse of love scar
Bian: We are not pity.. but we are the people who still strugle after got too much hurt
Alice: Nite guys… I love our conversation tonight 🙂
Alice: Have a nice dream

Do not blame people because they are not married yet, we never know what had happened in their previous life and how much they hurt . Maybe they have a lot of suffering because of Love.

About ainicahayamata

Nursing Lecturer who falling in love with words and Arts| Blogger | Maternity Nursing Specialist Candidate | twitter: @aini_cahayamata| Belajar Mengendalikan kata dalam tulisan|
Gallery | This entry was posted in #NulisRAndom2015, Cuap-Cuap Aini. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to #NulisRandom2015 (Pt.13) A Conversation of Broken Hearted Woman

  1. Feni says:

    You know what.. finally this FAQ has been released, lol :D. I love your last sentences, ita can make people stop asking anymore. Why don’t you write this in Fb? 😉


    • Feniiiiii….. I can’t believe that you visited my blog. Hahaha, I am happy… ^_^
      can I?
      But i don’t like to make people give me too much question about this Post… yaah, you know what…people nowdays are really kepo… yah… kepo 🙂


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